Today I went to the crawfish boil with Lydia!!! it was so much fun. we played the spin wheel over and over. it is the best addiction. Well, basically I am writing to avoid my senior paper. I am so over Buddha and women. I would be so happy if I didn't think about Buddha for a very long time. My head is going to explode!! 

So, it is Friday night and where am I? at the apt. how sad and depressing. yes we are on holiday so everyone from school is out of town but still I don't have enough friends. My best and really only friend in this city works weekend nights which really kills my social plans. Why can't she be off so I have a buddy to tear up this town. I am okay with not having a million friends but still it would be fun to have a couple I could call when my best friend is working. 

Now the topic of boys... why is it that the one boy that i find very cute and successful and i think we would be perfect for each other is pretty much a perve. I don't know what to do cause I have recently discovered that all boys are perves and some are a bit better at hiding it than others. But really, I should have grown up back in the 1900s when women were romanced and you got married after like two dates. LIfe would be so much simplier back then. I just want to be woed and romanced. is that too much to ask. Come on boys!! Open the doors! pay the tab! bring us flowers! 

So I probably had the best weekend known to mankind. I went to NYC where I got to hang out with the family (a bit stressful-sent me into a brief depression), go rock climbing, eat fabulously, watch UNC lacrosse almost beat the #1 seed UVA (it was freezing cold but still a great game. and i had my super cute ex from high school to cuddle with)... but the best part of the whole weekend happened on saturday when I got to attend the Change Begins Within benefit concert. My 10 favorite moments of the night: (in no particular order) 

1. Eddie Vedder and Ben Harper singing "Under Pressure"

2. Jennifer Aniston's body guards telling my mom to back up

3. Meeting Reverend Camden from 7th Heaven

4. Jerry Seinfield's little comedic skit

5. Ringo Star singing "Yellow Submarine"

6. and every second Paul McCartney was on stage

7. especially Paul singing "Here today"... im not going to lie I got a little tear in my eye

8. Yoko Ono (no idea how to spell her name) starring at my sisters, cousins and I for spasticly dancing all night

9. my Aunt Kim and I walking into the men's bathroom 

10. having to spare our extra ticket into the VIP party to the man  (David Lynch) who created the whole event 

So... i feel like my life is falling apart. I feel like the past four years all my friends have been tailoring themselves to enter the career world and what was I doing....nothing. First off, can someone please tell me when the hell my friends where doing all this stuff to build their resume? I don't remember anyone doing anything but drinking with me. So I have no experience at anything. I have no previous jobs. I have nothing. And now I am suppose to find someone to hire me while the economy is in a huge depression? Are you kidding me!!! I dont know what to do. I feel like such an idiot. Everyone I know has their life planned and I am about to graduate and don't even know what I will be doing tomorrow. How can everyone have everything planned out and ready. Will someone please tell me how to even start going about getting a job.... actually can someone please just walk up to me and tell me I should be famous and then hire me and make me an international pop star. thanks that would be so great. xoxo

First Post

This is my first time blogging. My life has been so hectic lately that I thought I would write it out, help me figure out what is going on through writing. Brief explanation: I am a senior in college about to finish up and I am scared to death of entering the real world, mostly because I have no idea what I am going to do with my life after I graduate. I lost my best friend of three years this past summer because I realized she was a horrible selfish person who I didn't want in my life. Last year I became extremely depressed after having an abortion. I completely lost myself and my identity. I let my best friend walk all over me. I stayed with my boyfriend because I was afraid to be alone. And I ate all my feelings and gained over 20 lbs. I decided to change this summer and fix the problems in my life. This called for an intense self reflection of my life. I have turned around and have been extremely happy for over 2 months. I am off my medication and I am truly happy. Now, my ex-boyfriend is trying to get back with me and I am falling again. My ex-best friend just sent me an email wanting to be friends again. And worst of all everyone in my life wants to know what I plan to do after I graduate and my answer doesn't please them.